clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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