I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
