Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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