i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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