Yo dont text me then not text me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
