im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
