My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
