Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
