can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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