Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
