see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
