So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
