Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
