my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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