dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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