Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
