First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
