How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
