That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
