dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
