Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
