We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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