What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
