I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
