I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
