I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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