I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
