Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
