That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
