i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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