Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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