One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
