Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
