For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
