oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think my fart just growled at me.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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