so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
