The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
