Cold hands, warm shart.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
