i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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