MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
