a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
