So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
