Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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