dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
