so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
