Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
