After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
