i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
