Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
