I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
