My liver just broke up with me...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
