I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
